The following section presents excerpts from a student's cover letter for a Web Application Development position at Nintendo of America. The student hopes to impress recruiters with his experience, which, he believes, fulfils the job requirements. However, the recruiters did not find the cover letter convincing enough. In the challenges that follow, try to consider the options presented so that the student can make the most of effective case for the audience.

Directions: Identify and improve text that can help the student use coherence, concision, and correctness more effectively.

Challenge 5: Combing Correctness and Coherence

Your Goals

1. using punctuation to break up ideas

2. connecting old and new information in a seamless manner

Comments on Response Options

Problem Text

I expect that parts of this position will require game design experience beyond what I have gained from my courses however I am eager to learn about these areas and further my development in your company.

Option A

“courses; however, I”

This option uses a semicolon to connect the job expectations with the student’s eagerness to learn, thus showing a very strong link between the two sentences. A more appropriate option to establish a flowing, narrative tone.

Option B

“courses. However, I”

This is a great option that uses a period to highlight the connection between the job expectations of the position and the student’s eagerness to learn, with a clear emphasis on the student’s eagerness to learn. This would benefit an audience who would want to focus on the eagerness to learn.

Option C

“courses, and yet I”

This option uses a stronger connector (yet) to establish a clear antithesis between the two concepts (past experience and future aspirations). A very dramatic option, appropriate for an audience that would appreciate a sense of commitment.