The following presents excerpts from a Technical Components section of a Final Technical Report on a new conference registration system created by a software development team in Qatar. The developers believe that the innovative features of their new system make it superior to its competitors. However, their clients (the Qatar National Convention Center) did not find the Executive Summary and Report convincing enough. In the challenges that follow, try to consider the options presented so that the developers can make the most effective case for their audience.

Directions: Identify and improve text that can make the report more effective, in terms of its parallelism, coherence, and concision.

Challenge 1: Being Coherent

Your Goal

connecting old information with new information in a seamless manner

Coherence Example

Less Coherent

“Coherence connects old information with new information. Concision cuts out unnecessary information.”

More Coherent

“Coherence connects old information with new information. Unlike Coherence,concision cuts out unnecessary information.”

Comments on Response Options

Problem Text

Sqlite 3 Gem:
While developing and testing our system, we used the Sqlite 3 gem as the standard database. Sqlite3 is the standard database used in the early stages.

Option A

“we used SQlite 3, the standard gem used in these early stages.”

This most directly connects the stage of the project with the gem used in that stage: “while developing….standard gem….early stages.” This connection may be especially helpful for non-technical audiences who may be less familiar with the topic.

Option B

“we used Sqlite 3. It is the standard gem used in the early stages.”

This option, like the option above, connects the stage of the project with the gem used: “while developing...it is the standard gem...early stages.” But because, the connection of the gem begins in the second sentence, the connection is not as immediate or direct as the connection option above. Although this connection is less direct, it would still be helpful for audiences who are less familiar with the topic.

Option C

“we used Sqlite 3. The gem is used in the early stages."

This option, unlike the options above, makes a less obvious connection between the stage of the project with the gem used: "While developing...the gem...early stages." It is not as obvious whether Sqlite3 is the gem referred to in the second sentence.