The following section presents excerpts from a proposal on Edocs, an online environment for collaborating, created by a research team in Qatar. One of the team members believes Edocs facilitates collaboration among professional groups working from different countries. However, their clients (Qatar Foundation researchers) found the proposal arrogant and quick to point blame on colleagues. In the challenges that follow, try to consider the options presented so that the developers can make the most effective case for their audience.

Directions:
Identify and improve text that can make the report more effective, in terms of its metadiscourse, nominalizations, and concision.

Challenge 5: Combining Nominalizations and Metadiscourse

Your Goals

1. reducing the clarity of a situation or softening the negativity!

2. using hedgers and/or removing intensifiers to soften the tone

Comments on Response Options

Problem Text

Relying on only Skype and email made it difficult for the team to communicate effectively and make good progress. It is clear that they must change their way of communicating to progress in future projects.

Option A

"Improving their means of communication could lead to more progress in future projects."

This option uses nominalizations and hedgers that show its effort to soften the tone and emphasize the blame on the situation itself rather than the team. This is appropriate if you want to describe the problem politely without pointing blame.

Option B

"They need to change their way of communicating to progress in future projects."

This option uses some nominalizations but uses intensifiers (“need to”) that make the tone more tense than the first option. This would work if your purpose is to make your point quickly without feeling the need to avoid blame.

Option C

"If they do not improve their communication soon, they will not progress in future projects."

This option is most intense because its tone is threatening (“If...they will not...”). It would only work well if you were in a situation where you felt no need to point blame and eager to make your point heard.