The following section presents excerpts from a proposal on Edocs, an online environment for collaborating, created by a research team in Qatar. One of the team members believes Edocs facilitates collaboration among professional groups working from different countries. However, their clients (Qatar Foundation researchers) found the proposal arrogant and quick to point blame on colleagues. In the challenges that follow, try to consider the options presented so that the developers can make the most effective case for their audience.

Directions:
Identify and improve text that can make the report more effective, in terms of its metadiscourse, nominalizations, and concision.

Challenge 3: Being Concise

Your Goal:

Cutting out unnecessary (already known, implied or repeated) information

Concision Example:

Less Concise:

The goal in having students complete this activity is to show them how concision has the potential to make communication more effective.

More concise:

The purpose of this activity is to show how concision can make communication more effective.

Comments on Response Options:

Problem Text

Although teams manage to meet on Skype each week despite their locations’ time difference, some of the meetings were finishing without a plan for the next steps of the project. The teams were continuing on to discuss future plans over email, which takes time, because of the time differences.

Option A:

"continuing to discuss plans over email, which takes time"

This option is most concise and it highlights the team’s actions, and does not intensify the tone. It would work well if your purpose is to protect the team while getting to the point.

Option B:

"continuing to discuss plans over email, which takes some time"

This option is also concise, and it uses a hedger (“some”) which places less emphasis on the problem (taking time) and softens the tone more than the first option. It would be most appropriate if your purpose is not to point blame.

Option C

"continuing to discuss our plans over email, which does take time"

This option is also concise, and it uses “does” to emphasize the problem (taking time) and intensify the tone. This would only work well if your purpose was to emphasize the problem and feel a reason to point blame.