The following section presents excerpts from a proposal on Edocs, an online environment for collaborating, created by a research team in Qatar. One of the team members believes Edocs facilitates collaboration among professional groups working from different countries. However, their clients (Qatar Foundation researchers) did not find the proposal confident or convincing enough. In the challenges that follow, try to consider the options presented so that the developers can make the most effective case for their audience.

Directions:
Identify and improve text that can make the report more effective, in terms of its metadiscourse, nominalizations, and concision.

Challenge 4: Combining Metadiscourse with Nominalizations

Your Goals

1. Use intensifiers and/or remove hedgers to make the tone more confident

2. Avoid nominalizations to make the tone more certain and direct

Comments on Response Options

Problem Text

Teams typically collaborate over email differently from meetings in person;they exchange tasks over email , whereas in meetings, they can look at the same task in real time. This proposal advocates for the development of an online version of this environment, so that after meetings, there can be a continuation of convenient teamwork from different parts of the world.

Option A

"This proposal seeks to develop an online version of this environment, so that teams can conveniently collaborate after meetings, even from different parts of the world"

This is a great option that untangles a couple of nominalizations, which highlights the purpose of the proposal. It also uses an intensifier (“even”) to emphasize the convenience of this system. This works well when your purpose is to quickly make your point.

Option B

"This proposal seeks to develop an online version of this environment, so that teams have the chance to conveniently collaborate after meetings, even from different parts of the world."

This option also untangles a nominalization, which highlights the general purpose of the proposal, and uses an intensifier (“even”) to emphasize the convenience of the system. However, it uses a nominalization (‘have the chance”) that makes the argument for using this system less certain or confident. This would be more appropriate in a context where your purpose is not to persuade people.

Option C

This proposal seeks to develop an online version of this environment, so that after meetings, there is a possibility that teams can continue their collaboration from different parts of the world.

This option also untangles a nominalization, which highlights the general purpose of the proposal. However it uses a nominalization (“there is a possibility), which makes the argument sound less certain or convincing than the second option. This would only work in a context where your purpose is not to persuade people.