The following section presents excerpts from a student's cover letter for a Web Application Development position at Nintendo of America. The student hopes to impress recruiters with his experience, which, he believes, fulfils the job requirements. However, the recruiters did not find the cover letter convincing enough. In the challenges that follow, try to consider the options presented so that the student can make the most of effective case for the audience.

Directions: Identify and improve text that can help the student use coherence, concision, and correctness more effectively.

Challenge 4: Combing Coherence, Correctness, and Concision

Your Goals

1.using punctuation to break up ideas

2. connecting old and new information in a seamless manner

3. cutting out unnecessary (already-known, implied or repeated) information

Comments on Response Options

Problem Text

My algorithm design projects helped strengthen my programming experience because the algorithms were implemented in the following languages; these languages were Java , C++, C, SML, UNIX, and PERL

Option A

“languages: Java, C++, C, SML, UNIX, and PERL.”

This option uses a colon to make an immediate and emphasized connection between “languages” and series of languages. It also cuts out the most unnecessary information. This would be a great option for an audience who is less familiar with the topic.

Option B

“languages, namely Java, C++, C, SML, UNIX, and PERL.”

This option cuts out some unnecessary information and uses a comma to establish a more causal connection between “languages” and the series of languages. This would be appropriate if your purpose is to establish a more conversational tone for the audience.

Option C

“languages. These Languages were Java, C++, C, SML, UNIX, and PERL.”

This option keeps some unnecessary information and uses a period that creates a disconnect between “languages” and the series of languages and also places less emphasis on this series.