The following section presents excerpts from an Executive Summary of a Final Technical Report on a new conference registration system created by a software development team in Qatar. The developers believe that the innovative features of their new system make it superior to its competitors. However, their clients (the Qatar National Convention Center) did not find the Executive Summary and Report convincing enough. In the challenges that follow, try to consider the options presented so that the developers can make the most effective case for their audience.

Directions: Identify and improve text that can make the report more effective, in terms of its coherence, concision, and correctness.

Challenge 4: Combining Coherence and Concision

Your Goals

connecting old and new information in a seamless manner

cutting outunnecessary (already-known, implied or repeated) information

Comments on Response Options

Problem Text

The system saves the amount of time spent on processing registration forms. This is because it can export the registration forms into excel files.

Option A

“The system saves time processing registration forms because it exports these forms into excel files, which are faster to process.”

This is an effective option because it makes the most direct connection between exporting forms and speed, and presents as evidence a point the audience will readily accept.

Option B

“The system saves time spent processing registration forms. It exports the registration forms into excel files. Exporting forms into these files saves time.”

Although this message cuts out extra information, it does not make the most direct connection between the export feature and speed. This option may work for a document which requires shorter pieces of information, such as a powerpoint presentation.

Option C

“The system saves a large amount of time spent on processing registration forms. The reason for this is that the system is able to export the registration forms into excel files.”

This cuts out the least amount of extra information and does not connect the export feature with speed. This would work, though, for an audience who is already familiar with this type of feature and its benefits.