The following section presents excerpts from a review on a Revolutionary Game Console technology created by a consultant hired by a game console company in Qatar. The consultant seeks to report customer issues with the technology for the company to see. However, the company hoped the report could have been more descriptive, direct, and concise . In the challenges that follow, try to consider the options presented so that the developers can make the most effective case for their audience. Directions:
Identify and improve text that can make the report more effective, in terms of its metadiscourse, nominalizations, and concision.

Challenge 4: Combining Metadiscourse, Nominalizations, and Concision

Your Goals

1. Make comments showing descriptions and connections, and showing degrees of certainty and directness

2. Avoiding some nominalizations

3. Cutting out unnecessary (already-known, implied or repeated) information

Comments on Response Options

Problem Text

Pop up ads could also cause users an issue with security: the pop up ads have the intention of getting users purchase their in-game products; if users click “yes,” purchases could be made without their confirmation, since each player’s credit card information is already in the system.

Option A

"they could unintentionally make credit card purchases by accidentally clicking “yes” on a pop up ad,"

This option is concise, untangles some nominalizations, and uses descriptive comments (“unintentionally” and “accidentally”) to highlight the consequences of the problem with pop up ads. This option is appropriate if your purpose is to emphasize this.

Option B

"accidentally clicking “yes,” on a pop up ad could mean making unintentional credit card purchases without their confirmation"

This option is slightly less concise, uses slightly more metadiscourse (descriptive comments), and untangles some nominalizations. By placing the “clicking yes” warning at the beginning, more emphasis is placed on this warning. It also mentions “without their confirmation,” which places more emphasis on the consequences of the problem than the first option. This would be more appropriate if your purpose is to emphasize the severity of this issue.

Option C

"accidentally clicking “yes” on an ad could mean agreeing to purchase one of the in-game products without their confirmation."

This option is similar to the other two options but it is slightly less concise; it reminds readers of the type of purchases made (“in-game products”). This would be more appropriate for audiences more familiar with pop up ads.