The following section presents excerpts from a review on a Revolutionary Game Console technology created by a consultant hired by a game console company in Qatar. The consultant seeks to report customer issues with the technology for the company to see. However, the company hoped the report could have been more descriptive, direct, and concise . In the challenges that follow, try to consider the options presented so that the developers can make the most effective case for their audience. Directions:
Identify and improve text that can make the report more effective, in terms of its metadiscourse, nominalizations, and concision.

Challenge 3: Being Concise

Your Goal

Cutting out unnecessary (already known, implied or repeated) information

Concision Examples

Less Concise

The goal in having students complete this activity is to show them how concision has the potential to make communication more effective.

More concise

The purpose of this activity is to show how concision can make communication more effective.

Comments on Response Options

Problem Text

Quality Attributes Raised: Usability, Security: The user reported that pop up ads that were promoting in-game products, clogging the screens, were frustrating.

Option A

"distracting pop up ads,"

This option is most concise because it removes the purpose of the pop up ads (“promoting in-game products”). Although this is most concise, it would be appropriate for an audience who is more familiar with pop up ads.

Option B

"distracting pop up ads (promoting in-game products), "

This option is also concise but unlike the first option, uses parentheses to quickly remind readers of the purpose of the pop up ads. This added information makes this option more appropriate for audiences less familiar with pop up ads.

Option C

"distracting pop-up ads, promoting in-game products,"

This option is least concise, but makes the most effort to explain the purpose of the pop up ads. Unlike the second option, the omission of parentheses here works more as an explanation and less of a reminder. Therefore, this option would work appropriately with an audience less familiar with pop up ads.